Since we are kids, we are pretty much raised with a very idealistic and romantic idea of what love is: girls waiting to meet Mr. Right One, the man of their dreams. Boys wanting to find the love of their lives, the mother of their children. The queer community fighting to have those rights: the right for equal marriage, for adoption, for a family. Consciously aware or not, we all long to find our soul mate: it's a main goal in life.
Now, this is very touching and lovely when it happens in movies, novels or soap operas. However, as you most likely know already - if you have been in any type of romantic relationship - that doesn't always happen in real life. We are micro-chipped with the idea that finding a soulmate, a truly significant other that can complete and provide us with this sense of wholeness is all we need to know about love.
Well, as we grow, we realize that this is not quite always the case, right? This not only happens in romantic relationships, but it happens with friends, family, coworkers, your pets, and basically any kind of relationship you establish with other living beings. So we may wonder at some point: do soulmates really exist? Well listen up: leaving all the imposed structures aside - they do exist. So, join us as we explore the definition of soulmate, the origins of this idea, how they manifest in the real world, and what they are supposed to mean.
To begin with, it's definitely worth mentioning that there are so many stereotypes and incorrect notions concerning soulmates due to the plethora of imaginary Romeo and Juliet love scenarios we've just mentioned. So, to start defining what a soulmate is, you should ask yourself what a soulmate is to you! (I strongly recommend you watch this amazing Ted Talk on the topic!) Try this: ask yourself this question and check what comes up instinctively without the intervention of thought. Well, there you go. The definition of soulmate then goes hand in hand with a process of self-acknowledgement and spiritual growth.
Most of the time, a person connects erroneous ideas to the concept of soul mate: we think that they have to stay loyal and exclusive - in every sense of the word - to us for the rest of our lives (that is our earthly life). We tend to idealize these other beings as someone who needs to come and complete us. While this may happens sometimes, it is not necessarily always the case. What's more, having a soulmate does not mean that it has to be in romantic terms either. These are just possibilities of what a soulmate could be for you:
We very much often hear or read that people come across our paths to show us something about ourselves, to teach us a lesson. And this is definitely true. A soulmate would understand you so deeply, they can become your counselor, your number one confident. They will contribute to your personal development, and help you to be the best version of yourself.
Another thing we hear quite often. People that we love are usually a projection of our most buried demons and insecurities. But they can also be a mirror for what is beautiful inside you, your dreams, your inner power. If a person/being can help you do this, this is definitely a soul mate.
Here is where the labeling of relationships gets blurry. For some people, a soul mate can be your friend as long as there is a sexual connection as well, which sort of makes you put them as the most important person in your life. Others do not rank relationships with the criteria of sexual intercourse. So, a soul mate can be a friend, a relative, or member of your core family or even an animal. If you feel this feeling of unconditional support and friendship, you've surely found a soul mate.
Often, we associate the idea of a soul mate with the idea of someone making you feel complete. Well, you better change this idea since no-one can complete you, as you are already complete the way you are. A soulmate won't complete you, but they will act as spiritual companions who help you become the best version of yourself.
Yep, that's right. Because of the social configuration we mentioned before, many people tend to believe that a soulmate or twin flame can only be found in one person. But let me tell you, it is not always so. There are many people who have found more than one soulmate, with whom they could establish a profound relationship based on kindness and unconditional love.
This might be the point at which a subtle differentiation of concepts may be needed to understand what each type of relationship means to us in terms of spiritual growth:
1. A Kindred Spirit: in general terms, a kindred spirit is any physical being that vibrates at your same frequency. Have you ever spoken to someone and felt that the energy is just right? Have you ever been to a place where you feel totally relaxed and peaceful inside? Have you ever gotten a pet that was particularly important to you? These people, animals or places can be a kindred spirit.
Whenever we encounter a kindred spirit, we may feel a lot of comfort or support being around them. That's exactly what they do. These people, animals, or places do not seem to have a very important part in our spiritual path, but they do have this very important role of emotional back up.
2. A Soulmate: as you can tell by the name, these are companions, friends of the soul. At a spiritual level they are most important to your growth. You can share the world, literally, with your soulmate. You can share your dreams, your wishes and desires or even you fears, insecurities and "weaknesses". You can completely expose your soul nakedly to them because you feel safe. As we said before, there is usually a sexual or romantic connection with them (though it can be only platonic) and you may encounter more than one during you life path, even simultaneously.
3. A Twin Flame: Twin Flame as the name goes by, is that one person or being that is destined to you. Yes, there is such a thing. But to be able to even feel their presence requires a lot of inner work and openness, and that's why we sometimes feel that we'll never get to meet them in this life. That might happen. Maybe it is not in your destiny to meet them in this life, but if you are aware enough you'll know how to read the signs.
If this is the case and you encounter them, the spiritual contribution that they can make is incredible. Twin flames are our mirrors. They are the yins to your yangs, and deep deep inside you'll know this. They come to our lives to show us those dark shadows that we fear to face. This is the reason they might be turbulent relationships at the beginning, but if you beat the ego you'll enjoy a magical and unique experience of unconditional respect, kindness, and love. Will your twin flame stay forever? That you don't know, because we are free to choose as human beings. If you go with the heart, they'll stay. A true twin flame that has also done their spiritual maturation will always stick around.
You know at by this point that you have to be spiritually balanced and open to recognize these relationships. Having said this, there are however some unmistakable signs that you may have encountered a real soulmate:
1. There is no need to hide your vulnerabilities. If that's a true soulmate, you'll feel safe around them showing your true self to them. A natural sense of familiarity and comfort will grow within you when you are in their presence. You can be the real you without any fear of judgement. A real soulmate will know exactly how to comfort your soul, you won't even have to ask.
2. The physical chemistry comes very naturally between you and a true soulmate. This physicality and need of proximity, is purely chemical and energetic. When you are around each other the touching in the form of a kiss, a grabbing hand or a deep hug is probably inevitable.
3. You don't need words to communicate with a soulmate. Let your heart -not your mind- do the talking, you'll just feel connected to that mate even though you don't speak to them. The body and the heart will speak. There is no need for words.
Well then, you have a lot of- luckily- new information to be more alert when you meet someone new or if you want to work on your current relationships. Remember that we are social beings, we need to be nurtured by the presence of loved ones; but this will only be worthy if we do it from a place of love, maturity and spiritual strength. Even though this or that person/being is destined to you, you have decide, every day, to cultivate that relationship for it to blossom. It's hard work, but it's also a beautiful journey. Are you ready? Your call.